Conflict resolution

There are few people in the world who say they love conflict. Ok sure, there are some - but I would put money on the fact that the ones that do, have some power in the world. This means that they know they can ratchet unhelpful behaviours up when any kind of conflict is present, and come out on top. So, they fear the potential consequences less, because the consequences are in fact ones that they themselves set. This might not always be true - but it certainly holds true in many cases.

Conversely, when someone is engaged in a conflict and they don't hold the power, often their behaviours can take on a stronger, perhaps more aggressive tone, precisely because of this - they feel they have to defend their position and don't have many ways to gain control, or the outcome they are looking for. So, backed into a corner, they come out fighting (verbally, if not physically).

Even so, when people know they have a lot of power - say at work, where they are the boss, or the leader of a particular project, it does not always mean they feel powerful, or are comfortable with it. It can often be the case that powerful people in one sense of the word, in fact give away their power (or have it taken from them) in other areas of their lives. For example, the powerful boss or leader in the office may take on a very subservient role at home.

Back to conflict, which, try as we might to avoid it, is inevitable. So much so that's there's a whole chapter dedicated to it in my book, Step Up, as it's a particularly hot topic that step and blended families face, and often struggle to navigate. More broadly, sometimes there are quarrels, or potential causes for conflict, that we find too hard to resolve by ourselves. Maybe one with your neighbour - excess noise or loud partying, say, or a grievance at work with a boss you perceive to be bullying. Or a colleague that oversteps your personal boundaries just enough to make you feel uncomfortable, and you don’t know how to raise it with them. 

There are so many ways to deal with conflict, and I help people everyday with it - here are some examples of tools that I work with in my practice:

1. Psychotherapy can help you to learn about your own relationship with conflict. To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth, for connections - rather than rifts - to deepen.

2. Coaching can help you devise a strategy to deal with a current area of conflict in your life.

3. Couples therapy can help with developing the right approach for you both to communicate effectively in the first place, in order to help you reduce the presence of conflict in your relationship, or to manage areas of difference / incompatibility more effectively.

4. Mediation can help with facilitating a conversation between two parties who may have tried to resolve a dispute between them without satisfaction, or where one or both parties feel the topic is just too sensitive to handle it alone, without professional support.

As you can see, there are lots of tools and techniques to help you work on your personal relationship with conflict, to help with a specific outcome, or to help a relational dynamic cope with conflict as it arises. 

If any of this applies to you or your business, please don’t hesitate to get in touch to see how I may be able to help you. Where briefs require more than one person, I will draw upon a small and trusted network of discerning associates who I work with to help.