In a hare world: be the tortoise

Ah the tortoise. Majestic. Wise. Purposeful. Fairly cute. Also: SLOW. The tortoise is deeply unfashionable right now. As humans living in the twenty first century, we’re becoming increasingly programmed to expect quick fixes. The rise of social media, snackable content, our online activity habits and advancements in tech all mean that as a nation and as part of Western culture in general, our concentration spans have shortened and our impatience to see results! Now! Has grown. The era of instant gratification is well and truly here - we love, it seems, to run like the hare.

The same can be said of what many people want when they explore therapy for the first time. The desire to set goals, write a list of expected achievements in X or Y time frame, is a way for us to want to measure our progress which fundamentally is a healthy thing to do - but is not suited to the type of progress clients see during Psychotherapy - which can often be subtle, and certainly will take time before you really see a marked difference.

That’s not to say you won’t see some green shoots fairly quickly, and in fact often those green shoots are enough to help open up a perspective, to turn a corner and at least see that there might be a different way you can live your life that will bring you greater joy, happiness and fulfilment you ever thought possible. How can you reliably measure the impact of clearer boundaries, greater sense of personal power, enhanced self esteem or the relief of being able to see a solution to an issue that’s troubled you for years? It can be measured, but not in the sense that we are often taught in our schools and in the corporate world. It can’t be measured in terms of KPIs or OKRs or SMART goals. It is instead, measured in feeling, in sentiment. In inner knowing. It’s waking up in the morning without that sense of dread. It’s saying ‘no’ to that event and realising for the first time in years there is no unhelpful sense of guilt attached to it. It’s having the confidence to set a boundary within a toxic relationship that’s been unavailable to you before.

So what does all this have to do with holistic practice? Usually, Psychotherapy takes place once a week for 50 minutes. One session is enough time to allow someone to explore something that is troubling, to set an intention, to face into difficult material that overshadows the life of someone who deserves to feel better about it - more peaceful, calmer, accepting. The regular drum beat also provides safety, routine, rhythm and sanctuary, in a modern life that is likely to be characterised by activity, demands, stress, overwhelm. What it is not enough time for, is to realise a 180 degree about turn, and to create a new neural pathway that allows a client to change the habit of a lifetime with lasting results. That takes time. It takes patience. Our own personal processes are not tasks that can be slotted in between sending an email to that work colleague and putting the next load of washing on. They are like a masterpiece that takes time to form, to make sense of what is forming on the canvas in front of you. It’s ok to make a mistake - they exist for us to learn from. So use every minute outside of the therapy room to continue your journey. Lean into that opportunity to share your history, to challenge yourself, to nurture yourself, to show yourself that little bit of kindness that you’ve starved yourself of for years. For the work happens 24/7, not for 50 minutes in a room - and as the tortoise wisely taught us - it takes as long as it takes.